Who’s sexy?
Who’s sexy? I’m sexy! Who’s sexy? I’m sexy! Who’s sexy I’m sexy! I’m sexy! F*** it up.
The words of a TikTok. But the truth is that I am sexy. That’s not me being arrogant. Because I’m not pretty. My face doesn’t say “pretty in pink,” now baring in mind that this picture is of me doing the most. It’s of me in a “revenge dress” outside Harrods. I remember coming out of the toilets when I changed into this dress in the brunch that immediately preceded the trip to Harrods. Every. Single. Man. Stared. All of a sudden waiters got real friendly. We got really attentive service. It was one of those occasions where if it was only one or two men you would brush it off as “oh I’m so lucky to get so much attention” it was about 8-12 men. The bartenders, the waiters, the customers. 2 had the balls to compliment me. I loved it. But that made me really believe “oh shit this dress does something” my friends originally bought this dress when I was dying. My dad was terminally ill. I was working 16 hour days. The dress wore me. I didn’t wear the dress. It fit. But I looked dead.
Fast forward 18 months and there’s no doubt that I am wearing that dress. Wiggle wiggle. My versions of beauty, are sexy and stunning. I don’t do cute, or pretty. I can’t conform to fashions. I look ridiculous. My beauty is stunning. I find it ill fitting and limiting. Very much playing a loosing game. The last 2 times I have worn the dress I know damn well this dress makes waves. I have bought a similar dress, and again. I can’t do anything other than sexy, stunning, haughty.
But sexy is not advantageous. Nor is stunning. It rarely gives “long term relationship vibes” because it takes a real rare man to handle me. Most men want to have sex with me. That’s not the same thing. I’m neither a toy nor a prostitute. I am actually pretty reserved. Actually, scratch that. I’m hugely conservative. No way are you getting me into bed without a wedding ring. So it means that so often I am bored, and frustrated by the opposite sex. Men look at me with lust. Not even when I am dressed sexy. I do that for myself. The only man I have ever fallen for has never sexualised me. I wore this exact outfit to see him. Nope. When I noticed him… it was because his energy was infectious… and friendly. The first man ever with friendly energy. Not predatory. As someone who has a long running battle to feel and stay safe. Someone who has a long history with the word “safety” a man with energy of “I want to get to know you” is intoxicating. I am also incredibly loyal. I forgive a lot for that unique energy. The other thing he did that had me in a choke hold was grow me. Yep. I felt like I was growing, I could come to him for wisdom and truth. A rarity in my world. I was enraptured. Still am. Therefore I would argue that having an aura of sensuality belies that I am a really sensitive person who just wants to be seen and heard.
Let’s face it. Put an average woman in a bedroom with Henry Cavill and “he can’t say no” you are about to see the depth of human depravity. Every nasty fetish is about to come out. And how he feels about it is kind of irrelevant. If he respects himself in the morning is not an important point… she’ll do things to him she’ll never do to her husband because he’s sexy and her husband is a “dad bod” who she loves anyway… for his personality. Hence I want to dismantle the stupidity of “women like dad bods” this is a lie perpetuated by men. So they don’t have to try. (Even less than they already do) Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lid for every pot. But don’t say that it’s a master lid. I want my man with a strong jaw. Six foot and six packed Viking. I want a man I can be attracted to. Women are deprived of sexual preferences and shamed for sexual pleasure because we don’t have visible erections. Don’t get me wrong, when said man gets old… I will love him anyway. But whilst I am young… I will enjoy myself! But the dumbass idea that I should go for guys who are already rounding… is an error. I don’t want to take my glasses off and turn off the lights when I want to have kids. I’m not the “shut your eyes and think of England” kind of girl. I will not rob myself of the few enjoyments in life. And by the way.. Ugly guys cheat. When you give them a beautiful woman, some men can’t help but self sabotage… My ex husband is the evidence.
Truth is, what you will have sex with and what you will show love to are different. Some people are capable of both… Most can only compartmentalise one thing. So if they want to mate with you, they can’t love you. Only lust. If they love you, they can’t have relations with them. It takes a proper man to hold both in his hands. Sexy is often seen as manipulative, because men can’t control themselves when aroused. So God forbid you ask for them to so much as pass the salt “you want them for something” Sexy is often seen as cold, because men are programmed to not love the thing they’re mating with. Marriage is an extremely new concept in the human evolution. When we were far more animalistic, men did not count “personality” when picking a mate. That my dear, is a projection. You are judging my personality based on sterotypes. Not my actual personality. Its also, the most stupid excuse known to humankind. If you want to act like a 14 year old just say that… but I personally will not be fucking with that, or fucking that.
Which is why I’m extremely conservative. My husband, yes husband needs to be the kind of man who… How to put this politely? Is. Not. Dumb.
Yes, I’m looking for an emotionally intelligent person. Aware of himself and his projections, because as a beautiful, sexy, black woman. My whole person-hood can be sterotyped, I can be viewed as promiscous (more fool you, I’m modest as hell) manipulative (I’m more likely to be taken advantage of than manipulate anyone. Also my 0 game is painful) less innocent (I’m the epitome of innocence. Spent my childhood, adolescence and adulthood in a book) You can take it from my looks, and miss the whole person. Which is why being seen as a person, Lady Anna, is the most attractive, sexy thing a man can do for me.
Who’s sexy? (very few people actually)
But I am…
Grace and Courage
Annetta Mother Smith