The definition of Anna.
Anna is a woman of character.
Flowers for the sick, Chocolates if you don’t like flowers, Whiskey for a thank you.
Flowers to ex grandparents in law when lockdown 1 happened so they would feel less lonely. Paying my cousins school fees then not telling her when she threw that rubbish in my face.
Anna offers trips of a lifetime to people who haven’t earnt it because she sees potential and wants to suspend reality.
Stockholm for a mother that tortured her, (2023) Paris for an aunt who neglected her.(still in the pipeline)
These things define her.
Her father’s passing and the subsequent and prior abuse? Doesn’t define her.
My father’s ministry, my miserable decade (decennium horribilis) and all the awful choices that stemmed from it? Doesn’t define her.
After 4 years and a half I am at peace with the life I have.
Candles, perfume, sewing, crotchet and softness she has cultivated for herself, that defines her.
The past couple of weeks I have been deciding who to put in my will.
I was actually proud of myself because I chose people based on positive emotion. I didn’t exclude people due to negative emotion.
There are limited funds available, I want to do maximum good. I think 6 kids will be enough, for my American cutie Mctooties I can help with…one years tuition, not even pay the full amount. (I’m sorry, I’ll make more money I promise) With the British ones, I hope to pay your full fees and maybe a nice holiday to remember me by.
My ability to suffer well is what defines me.
Rome 2016, Project 19 (scouts) Dad’s 70th birthday, Griffin’s day out, Stockholm, Mum’s birthday at the Ritz, Paris 2026. How I treat my parents defines me.
I have my father’s temper,
My mother’s audacity.
A big heart and a generous spirit.
But I learn from people. So if you don’t treat me in the way I deserve I dip.
I am such a kind and generous person.
My cousin who didn’t talk to me for 18 years when she had her 3rd child… I gave £100.When she had her first 2, I did so much, but she didn’t talk to me. So that hindered things.
I would send chocolates to my cousins children until I got sick of not being thanked.
A grandmother who didn’t start talking to me until 11 months before she died… I would give money regularly to.
An aunt who gave me unsewn pillowcases in my first marriage got £60 for her birthday.
I guess what defines me is I give to the undeserving. Both good and bad.
Debates, Current Issues (the debating society I founded) Model united nations, where I represented Ireland, that defines me.
Grace and Courage,
Joseph Watfa
Swords, fantasy.
World history.
These things define me. He doesn’t, my love for him does, the gifts I got him, The biscuit tin, the halal cheesecake, the Attack on titan artwork. Those were one of my greatest hits in gift giving.
The Eid brownies and gifts for sick friends. The tripod I sent 3 times! The food I sent, I’d drop Fabrique baked goods at a new friends doorstep and paid for her first meal in her new home. These things define me.
The things I did for my parents even when they treated me badly, speak to my character, but don’t define me.
Before the narrative is written for me.
Running, gym. Adulting pro max.
Looking after everyone’s children, remembering names, birthdays, scouts, beavers, cubs, girls brigade and Sunday school.
These things define me.
A love of languages and geopolitics.
These things define me.
My stubborn nature, my broken smile, protecting parents who don’t deserve it.
Those things define me.
Dancing round my house, LONG walks to clear my head. The British Library and the pursuit of knowledge.
These things define me.
Big beads, bold dresses, or invisibility cloaks.
Those things define me.
I did the wrong thing on Thursday.
I told my cousin there was a cost to generosity, she mentioned herself, when I’d paid her school fees. It was wrong of me to have paid her school fees. It was wrong of me to not have told her that I paid her fees. It was wrong to suffer in silence when I’d paid dearly, so so dearly for that.
It was, is and ever shall be the worst thing I did to myself. Allow myself to be coerced into loaning £6,000 from parents who already owed me £3,200.
I did it for the “greater good” and suffered horribly for it. I will never be the person who is used to sleeping peacefully in her bed because of it.
Sweet God, the torture.
I have a question for masochists, where does the pleasure come from?
Oh well, thank God I’m not a masochist.
I sent chocolate to my mum’s friend, and put her name on the card like she’d coughed up £30 for chocolate for a man she’d met once.
I am not a bitter woman. I am a woman who doesn’t want the opinions of the savages who ruined my life in the first place.
Actually, I’m a woman who just doesn’t want to talk about it.
I get pretty, fanciful ideas in my head, from a lifetime of programming that told me to be loyal to these people. Sometimes I do it.
I don’t blame myself or hate myself.
I just do. Because life is too short to blame yourself for programming you received as a child.
Just make sure you don’t regret it.
I like foreign trips, romancing my life, learning.
Trying to fix my body, mind and soul.
A book, a memory like an elephant that I use to remember little details and poetry. That defines me.
I’m the woman that fought for my grandmothers dignity as if she’d loved me all my life instead of only the last 11 months.
I don’t know what else defines me, but I hope its…
Grace and Courage.
Annetta Mother Smith.