Massive improvement

Dear God in heaven… my depression was bad…

I’m not saying its good now… but it was BAD…

I have been fundamentally unable to take care of myself for at least a year.

bins? counldn’t take them out.

Clutter? Couldn’t declutter.

Showers? Whenever I go out mainly.

Cleaning? What’s that?

I was so so bad. I took away 6 bags of rubbish from my house over Christmas, and by the way I have another 6 bags of clothes left to take away!

And the house is still not perfect… but let me run you through what I have done.

• Changed the bed and been consistent on changing sheets weekly.

• Become consistent on washing up daily (I’d actually better go take care of that…)

• Vaccummed, which is more than I’d been doing for the whole of 2025.

• fixed the drains.

• fixed the washing machine.

• fixed the hole in my roof thats been there for almost 4 years…

• decluttered a LOT.

• cleaned, washed windows, gotten my door fixed, gotten quotes. etc…

• taken bins out…

• put candles on…

• felt safe to be in spaces like my living room and parts of my kitchen by cleaning them.

• bought a new hob

• bought new sheets (twas a bit of a disaster but oh well)

• bought my dream pair of boots.

• Sorted my “holiday of the year” out…

I am now going back to projects that I quit because of depression and like a dog to its vomit I don’t enjoy them, but I enjoy who I was when I did them…

I need to finally start taking my depression medication, or else I will never get out of this state.

what it took for me to survive is now killing me. I stopped having hopes, dreams and aspirations. I wanted to “survive” 2025 and get a permanent job… and I did.

I would like to be the person that makes my 7 year old self proud. The go-getter, like her. Instead of using all her fight to not die.

Grace and Courage.

Annetta Mother Smith