I’m Nervous

I’m nervous.

I thought I was ready. I’m clearly not. I thought I’d read enough material to start on the Devil’s apprentice. And yet I realise that I am still a newbie forming opinions and yet if I don’t start. I will never finish.

What have I read so far?

1.     The peace of Utrecht – treaty between the English and the French

2.     The capitulation of Montreal-when the English won Montreal from the French and got the privilege of writing down how and in what grand style they would send the French home in… also allowing slavery in Canada of natives and black people.

3.     “Chloe Cooley’s law” (law banning slavery in Canada) (It has a formal name but I call it her law)

4.     The  Moynihan report (the black family and the 1960’s very largely influenced by a black man’s Phd in the 1930’s)

5.     The Swedish guy’s book on anthropology that puts black people one step above monsters who screwed us for generations.

6.     The Missouri compromise. The line where below it is a slave state and above it are free states.

7.     Le code noir-the French legal code that states how one can treat ones slaves.

8.     Somerset vs Stuart- the legal case outlawing slavery in England.

9.     “the Crime against Kansas” speech by Abolitionist Charles Sumner

10.  The duty of free states against slave states”- Speech just after the crime against Kansas by Quincy Davis. Technically an abolistionist speech but really was a 4 hour pity party with Quincy on how much white people are suffering from slavery.

11.  Jeferson Davis- a disquisition on the only confederate president. Basically trying to justify “he’s not that bad, he sees black people as children, and you wouldn’t leave an under 5 unattended, so why would you leave a black person without a master?”

12.  Slavery and the west indies- a contemporary article on how black people organised themselves. Interesting to know just how racist we are and how much we’d internalised.

13.  King George III speech on the American war of independence to Parliament (why are there no British sources it is actually creeping me out???) 

14.  A hell of a lot of Titus Livy and a decent amount of Tacitus. (more than is either natural or enjoyable)

15.  Church history and the history of Christianity (really hard to find source material)

16.  I’ve read other things too, some I have notes on  some I don’t have notes on them, like Simon Scharma’s “Citizens” or Dan Jones’ “Henry V”

I thought this was ready to start forming opinions but I’m scared. I have editorials on everything. But that’s not what I imagined the Devil’s Apprentice to be. I imagined it to be one continuous story. Chronologically.

The point was the chronology. Also, so were the flowcharts. The point is it is meant to be crammed full of things to make this actually understandable.

I have over 200 pages of notes, pictures maps and diagrams. I’m scared. If the devil isn’t in the detail what have I been doing? How long do I need to keep reading before I get to put pen to paper? I was going to write a bit on what I thought was chapter 6 but a good amount is chapter 7. I’m wondering if I am structuring it right. Revisions are expensive timewise, I have the vision, but the actual book can’t be done until I stop reading and editorialise, but the point is that I can never stop reading because I am competing with people who do this 40+ hours a week, for years… and I get 7 hours a week. Maybe 10 if I’m lucky.

It feels unfair because I have amassed a good amount of knowledge. I don’t know if its enough.

But I’m just going to start and see if its okay, I’m not sure if my notes are “the Devils’ apprentice” (Livy needs cleaning up) or if my editorials are the devils apprentice. Either way. Its not there yet.

Grace and Courage

Annetta Mother Smith