There you go again…

There you go again

Having thoughts and expectations.

I sent £60 to my aunt for her 60th birthday… on Friday, my aunt, is a “Cook-a-Barrel” kind of person and for her birthday she is having a thanksgiving service and distributing alms to the poor.

So I thought I’d contribute to a worthy cause. There’s no harm that can come from it right?

Wrong…

 I didn’t even get a phone call. I got a text though.

“Good morning my dear, I acknowledge receipt of the amount you sent me for my birthday. May God bless you. Have a blessed day. Thanks”

What kind of dispassionate thing is this?

Off the back of ONE phone call I sent you £60. The phone call wasn’t even to me, it was to your sister on her birthday and I was with her so I spoke with you… What would you calling me to say thank you do? Further blessings. That’s what.  This is a niece trying to reach out to an aunt. Trying to be nice, trying to contribute to what I am sure will be a wonderful day and trying to please her aunt by surprising her.

“Acknowledge receipt?” Is this work?

Let me help

“Good morning my dear. Thank you for the money you sent me for my birthday. May God bless you. Have a blessed day.”

This really is the bottom of the barrel. Actual bare minimum you can say.

I sent the money in advance so that it definitely came on time for the day. Also, if auntie Waltina wanted to spend it on food for the poor it could go towards that.

The timing was the point. The entire point.

Then there was the thank you. Why is it not worth a phone call?

How serious does this “I will not call you” BS go? What the hell???

African aunties and uncles are incapable of saying thank you to the person. My mum will get a call though. One time I sent flowers to someone and my mum got a call. I’d been anxiously waiting by the phone (God bless M&S because they tell you when its been delivered) to make sure the actual person gets it because what if it goes to the wrong address? Anyway. My mum got a call and then called me to tell me they’d received it.

Ditto when I sent the person’s husband whiskey (expensive whiskey) that I’d hand picked in Picadilly and had delivered to the persons house. I got a text 3 days later, but I am not mad about it because I got a text. But my mum got a call. But my mum’s name was not on the bottle.

What is acknowledging the receipt? What does that convey?

Let me help again.

“Good morning my dear

Thank you for the money you sent me, I was surprised and gladdened that you thought of me for my birthday. May God bless you. Have a blessed day.”

This is a little better. Conveys that money isn’t just money it’s thought.

Acknowledgement of receipt sounds like she’s a custodian of the money not that this was a gift from her niece.

I try and I try and I try.

The gulf is too big.

Because there’s no warmth.

I don’t regret it, because ultimately its hard to regret giving alms to the poor and surprising your aunt for her 60th birthday in one fell swoop. But I do find it quite weird.

It sounds like she’s talking to a stranger. Not a niece. Is that my place? I actually can’t win in that family.

I didn’t even call you for your 50th. You got a facebook message.

For your 60th you got money and will get a phone call.

What kind of apathetic response, devoid of the same energy and joy that made me send in the first place is this?

Or did I offend you?

Its not just me, this isn’t someone talking to someone she loves right? If Deji sent money. There’s no way she’s getting “acknowledgement of receipt”

She didn’t even state  the amount.

I was trying to be funny, £60 for 60th birthday (I explained this to my cousin) but £60 in GBP is a fiddly amount in leones, so I rounded up, I sent 1,900Leones. Or £62.40.

See? I even thought about it not being a silly amount. Thought and care went into this. Or at least on my side.

My cousin sent me a follow up message saying she was so happy when it was given to her and when she told her it was from me. That the money has gone towards the drinks for the event.

See, exactly as I planned. I knew I might be cutting it fine to contribute towards the food order or buying food, but drinks is also part of the event and is also just fine.

Whatever makes the birthday woman happy. But clearly, she’s not happy, with me specifically.

Because “acknowledge receipt” sounds begrudging. This isn’t a display of exuberance that characterises my aunt. She’s the “fun aunt”

Best know that in 6 months my mum is going to explain why “acknowledge receipt” is the most loving way for an aunt to speak to a niece.

If I was someone who took offense, I’d be fuming right now. This is one step up from not saying anything at all, which if Dontina didn’t tell her to do it I’m sure would have happened. Like I said its far more likely mum will get a call.

With that level of warmth I may as well have sent money to my uncle. I’d have received a text from Auntie Doreen.

I’ve had warmer reception from work colleagues. The lengths people will go to not show love, warmth and affection to me is sometimes discombobulating.

Because no one has ever been less happy about receiving £60 out of the blue.

Here we go again

Grace and Courage

Annetta Mother-Smith